Forsaken Part Two

 

 

 

My hands shook as I plucked the envelope out of the pile. I ripped into the envelope shedding it. I unfolded a thin sheet of white paper. My heart beat wildly in my chest. It was all right there. The last six months of transactions on this account-my account.

  The record showed deposits being made on the 1^st and 15^th of each month for the amount of 1500 dollars.  It also showed withdraws being made on the 1^st and 15^th day of the month as well, except this last one.

 My mother must have missed the deposit amount was for twenty-five hundred this month instead of the regular fifteen. I tossed the statement back onto the counter. What else has she lied to me about?

There is only one way to find out. I stomped into her room nearly gagging on the smell of stale smoke of whiskey. I threw open the only window in the room that wasn’t jammed then head straight for the back of her closet.

   I pulled out a small brown leather suitcase the plopped down in the middle of the floor. This was the only thing my mother ever ordered me to stay away from. If she was hiding something it would be in here. My fingers linger over the zipper as I fought back against my conscience. Once I opened this case there would be no going back. I would violate her trust forever.

“Oh what the hell,” I thought out loud.  “She never was much of a mother anyway!” I yanked on the zipper exposing all her dirty little secrets. There were definitely plenty of them here.

  I found Birthday cards sent to me by from my father dating back as far as my fifth birthday.  There were twelve Christmas, Easter, and Valentine’s Day cards, and countless just thinking about you cards.

  There were stack upon stacks of letters that average one a week for the last fourteen years. I found more bank statements showing deposits and withdraws going all the way back to my third grade year.

 Among the bank statements was a copy of my mother’s divorce decree that showed my father in addition to trust payments also paid my mother alimony, and has been paying all the utilities of this dump for the last twelve years.

What finally sent me over the edge was finding the pictures of my father with his new wife Lilly followed by pictures of my brother’s Jack and Connor from their births to age seven years. How could she possibly take all this from me? My head started to spin causing my stomach to churn.

 I jumped to my feet and lunged for the bathroom as I felt my stomach muscles contract. I made it around the corner into the bathroom just in time to drop down to my knees as the last contraction hit causing me to violently empty the contents of my stomach.

Once the last stomach spasm subsided I sat back against the wall wiping the sweat off my forehead.  How could she do this to me? What kind of mother takes away a child’s relationship with her father and family?

My earlier conversation with Jake flashed in my head. I am doing the same thing my mother did to me but worst. My father at least knew I existed. I buried my head in my hands. What am I going to do? I still feel having Jake involved with this baby will ruin his life. . At the very least Jake should know I am having his baby, but that I don’t want him to come around.   

Jake has a chance to really be somebody. The most I can hope for is that I don’t turn out like my mother. I rubbed my belly. “Don’t worry baby! I am going to do what’s right. I will tell him tonight.” I paused to rethink my decision. “Right after I say a few choice words to your grandmother.” I corrected.

I pulled myself up off the floor using the side of the sink. I splashed some cold water on my face then hurriedly brushed my teeth to remove any hint of getting sick. I studied my face in the mirror

 “You can do this!” I assured myself.

  I marched out of the bathroom passed my mother’s room to the kitchen. I lifted the phone off the receiver and dialed Jake’s number.

“Hello?” Mrs. Jennings answered.

“Hi, Is Jake home?” I asked.

“Yes, just a minute.” She said. “Jake, Christy is on the phone.”

“I got it mom.” Jake picked up the extension in his room.

“Alright dear, talk to you later Christy.” Mrs. Jennings replied. There was a click on the line as she hung up.

“What do you want Christy? Didn’t you say enough earlier?” Jake fired.

There was a mix of anger and pain in his voice. He is hurting and it is my entire fault.  “What I said tonight to was a lie.” I replied. I just hope for once Jake’s stubbornness doesn’t override his sense.

He snorted. “Yeah, about which part Christy? The Part where you don’t think we should see each other anymore or about having met someone else?”

I twisted the cord around my finger. He is not going to make this easy on me in the slightest. I don’t want to tell him about the baby over the phone but if I don’t give him something he won’t agree to meet up with me.

“I lied. Everything I said once we left the restaurant was a lie.” I paused to wait for him to respond but he gave me nothing. “I made up the part about meeting someone else to make you angry enough to leave.” I finally added.

“Why would you do that?” He asked.

“I can explain that but not over the phone.”

Jake cleared this throat. “Okay, I will be over in about a half an hour.”

 “How about I meet you at the park on James Street instead? I have something to take care of down around the corner from the park.” I suggested

“The only thing around the corner from the park is Hooper’s!” Jake did not hide the concern in his voice.

“Exactly where I am going Jake, it’s time my mother and I have a little chat. In fact can we make it an hour for the park?” I asked.

“Christy I don’t like the idea of you going down there alone. There are a lot of bad people that hang around in that joint.”He warned.

“I know Jake it’s not my first redo. I see you in an hour.” I hung up before he could talk me out of going.  I grabbed my keys off the counter and took one long look around. My eyes lingered on the dirty brown couch that sagged in the middle from years of abuse. It had large rips in the fabric, and a broken back leg which caused it to sit lopsided.

    Next I studied the scuffed up end tables covered in empty beer bottles and overflowing ashtrays. I turned my eyes to the barely functioning television set, and then to the empty refrigerator next to the equally empty cupboards.  This has been my life for far too long.

 I slammed the front door behind me as I half ran down the path to my barely running Chevy Chevelle. I jammed my key into the ignition and prayed it would stay running long enough for me to make it into town.  The engine fired up then sputtered out. I took a calming breath then tried again.

 Once again the engine fired up then sputtered out. I banged my fist on the steering wheel. “Come on you piece of junk start!” I turned the key then held my breath as the engine fired once more to life.

I carefully backed out of the lot onto the road. I held my breath as I shifted into drive. If she is going to stall out again this would be when it was going to happen. My heart leapt for joy as I shot off down the road. 

As I drove down the dark windy roads into town all I could think about was how differently my life could have been had my mother been an honest woman. I didn’t need fancy things but I would have like at the very least decent things.

Where did all that money go anyway? It was not used on bills, food, or furniture. It didn’t go towards getting us into a better place to live, or a nice car, and it most certainly did not get used towards nice clothing. The last Christmas gift I got was when I was in the fifth grade so it was not spent on presents.

Jeanne did buy me this used piece of crap two years ago for my sixteenth birthday.  Jeanne came strutting up the walk with one of her famous deadbeat boyfriends panting on her heel acting like she had just won the lottery. I ran outside to see what all the commotion was about to find this hunk of junk with a Christmas bow on top. 

When I complained about the condition of the car her flavor of the month Mike informed me that he had gotten the car for a great deal.  Jeanne didn’t let the opportunity to cause a little drama to pass, she broken down into tears crying “See what I have to deal with? She never appreciates what I do for her!” 

In true fashion Mike came to her defense telling me I should be grateful to have a mother who is kind enough to even give me a car. After that day Mike like the countless boy toys before him tried to act like a “father figure” who got on my nerves but I knew it would only be a matter of time before he’d disappear like the others. 

The next Mr. Wonderful was able to stick around long enough to get my car up and running but like the countless victims before he met the same fate when she grew bored.  A vicious cycle, that continues to this day.  I wish she could have found just one guy and stuck with him.

 It would have made my life a lot easier growing up. I lost of few friends over the years because of antics with various men. The one that still hurts to this day is losing Gina Delrose as my best friend because my mother was sleeping with her uncle whom of course was married.

 

 

 

As I made the final turn onto James Street, I could see the park looming a head. My eyes linger for a moment on the freshly painted benches and birch trees that surround them. I nodded my head. The park is the perfect setting to tell Jake he is going to be a father. A smile touched my lips, as a warming feeling grew inside my chest.  I shook my head. I can’t think about that right now!

I locked my eyes on the entrance to Hooper’s parking lot. I have to stay focus on the first issue-my mother. I also need to stay angry to be effective for what is going to happen next. I pulled into the lot carefully deciding on a space nearest to the road. A decision made in an effort to miss the maze of broken beer bottles and other debris scattered over the lot.

My fingers hovered over the door handle as I stared a head at the red metal front door. Can you really do this? A tiny voice from somewhere inside of me asked. I closed my eyes trying to find one redeeming quality, just one that would make my mother seem less like a monster in my eyes. All I need is too recall just one time when she showed me an ounce of love or compassion. I took a deep breath.

“You bet your ass I can!” I finally answered pulling the handle.

I swung my feet out then reached back grabbing the graduation card off the passenger seat. I carefully tucked the check, cash, and letter into my bra then slammed the door closed. Jeanne has gotten hands on the last of my father’s and my money. 

The sound of gravel crunching under my feet echoed as I stomped my way towards the front door. I was just about to grab the handle when a hand reached out of the darkness and grabbed my wrist.  

“Where exactly do you think you’re going?” A gruff voice called out.

I tugged on my wrist. “Let go of me!” I ordered.

“This isn’t a place for a child, get back in your car sweetheart and go home to your mommy and daddy!” The voice barked at me.

The bubble of hysteria that had been forming in my stomach subsided. I turned my head to the side. There is something familiar about the way he said sweetheart. I’ve heard it somewhere before but when? I scoured my memory going through Jeanne’s hall of shame one face at a time trying desperately to match the voice to a face. I had just about given up when it finally hit me.

The voice didn’t belong to an old boyfriend or the array of one night stands. I had only heard this voice a handful of times over the years when I’ve come here to retrieve my mother in her drunken state of unconsciousness.

 I stepped forward. “Bruce? Is that you?” I whispered.

A big tall burly man with long curly brown hair, goatee, and thick muscular arms that bore a tattoo of an eagle on one and an outlaw waving a gun on the other stepped out of the shadows. I felt a huge wave of relief crash down over me.

It was Bruce.  He is also known as Hut after his construction company.  I was surprised to see him back into so soon considering he just landed a multimillion dollar contract for building a new hospital up in Foster City.

On the rare occasion that Bruce does find himself back in Hampton longer than a week, he usually works for his cousin Danny as a bouncer here at Hooper’s for something to do.  “Christy? Christy Jacobs?” He questioned.

I giggled. “Yes Bruce its Christy!” I answered.                  

A smile spread across his face. “Well what do you know? I haven’t seen you since you first got that car over there. How’s it running for you anyway?” He inquired.

I shrugged. “Hit or miss, mostly miss these days!”.

Bruce frowned looking over at my car. “I have a few days of downtime. If you want I can poke around underneath the hood and see what I can do about getting her hitting again for you.” He offered.

“Thanks for offering Bruce but after tomorrow I am going to retire her to the junkyard and buy something new.” I explained.

His eyes lit-up. “Wow! A new car for Christy let me know if you need me to check it over or anything. I’d be happy to help.”

I nodded. “I’ll let you know.”

Bruce laughed shaking his head. “It’s really good to see you Christy! I was worried about how you’d turn out with your momma being part of the scenery around this old joint.’ He stated nodding back at door.

“I graduated 2^nd in my class today so how do you think I turned out?” I replied with a light chuckle. His remark about Jeanne reminded me why I am here.

“Wow 2^nd in your class! Well for what it’s worth from a no-body like me, I am proud of you kiddo!” He exclaimed.

“Thanks Bruce it means a lot!” I paused shaking my head. “You are not a no-body especially to me.” I finished beaming a smile.

He chuckled. “Alright kid. What are you doing down here anyway? I don’t think Danny called you to come down here and fish Jeanne out of her bottle yet. Did he?”He asked looking back at the door with a puzzled look.

“No Danny hasn’t called me as of yet. I came here on my own to talk with Jeanne-err-my mother about a few things that couldn’t wait.”

Bruce ran his fingers through his goatee. “I don’t know how much good Jeanne would be in whatever is going on. She has been waist high in the bottle since about noon today.” He explained.

I met his eyes. “I kind of figured but I still want to try.”

Bruce sighed. “Alright kid. Wait here.”

I smiled as Bruce yanked the door open and disappeared into the dark, hazy, smoke filled room. I was slightly thankful that I didn’t have to end up going in there to get her myself.

What would I have done without Bruce? I turn around to look at my car. Maybe I should let him take a look at it. What would it hurt? I shook my head. No he has done enough for me over the years.  I was about eleven years old the first time I really got to know Bruce. He was working down here at Hooper’s and I had rode my bike into town in hopes of getting Jeanne to give me enough money to buy a loaf of bread and some lunch meat.

Bruce having just finished up his shift was on his way to his truck when I slid into the parking lot and nearly got hit by a car pulling out of the lot. He bawled me out for how dangerous it was to be out riding after dark. He warned me to be careful around dark parking lots. I apologize then quickly explained why I had come down in the first place. Bruce played with his goatee much like he did tonight as he mauled over my explanation. In the end he decided it would be best not disturb Jeanne and he offered to drive me to the store and get me the items.

I tried to refuse but he would have none of it. The next thing I knew he was placing my bike in the back of his truck. We made two stops that night. One was at the country store where he filled a shopping cart with items that would be simple for an eleven year old to fix.

The other stop was at Hamburger Haven so that he could get me a burger and fries. It was the first time in a month I had anything warm to eat. I smiled at the memory.  A long time ago I secretly prayed that Jeanne would somehow get together with Bruce.

To me Bruce was more than just a good guy who cared about my wellbeing. In my eye’s he was the exact replica of what I had hoped my father would be like. As I got older I became thankful god never did answer those prayers. It was not because my feelings for Bruce had changed. It was because I realized he is far too good for someone like Jeanne Jacobs.

 I spun back around at the sound of the door banging against the bricks.  Jeanne stood with one hand on her hips the other around a greasy looking man with slick black hair and a lopsided mustache. I could tell by the glassy eye stare she was not happy about my eruption.  I swallowed a lump that was trying to form in my throat. I suddenly didn’t feel very brave.

“Well, well if it’s not the fancy graduate here to grace us with her presence.” Jeanne mocked. “Doesn’t that impression you Bobby?” She prompted the half wasted man hanging off her arm. “A high school graduate with honor too!”

“Sure I guess.” He mumbled. He gave a half shrug of his shoulders and looked extremely bored with this whole scene already. Jeanne seeing his lack of enthusiasm staggered towards me but missed her footing and nearly fell on her face. I would have actually enjoyed watching that but at the last possible second wonder boy behind her swooped down and straighten her back upright.

 I shook my head. She is far more pathetic then I had even thought.

 “So?” She asked flapping her arms in the air around her head.

I had to dig my nails into my wrist to keep from laughing. “What?”  

 She rolled her eyes. “What the hell do you want? Huh?

Jeanne glanced back at her audience shaking her head. “See what a high school diploma gets you these days?” She rolled her eyes for the second time. Wonder boy laughed shaking his head. “A real freaking genius apparently!” he responded with a chuckle.

I gritted my teeth. “If by genius you mean, how I graduated second in my class then yes I am. If by genius you are referring to my being accepted to the best colleges and universities all across this country then again yes I am. If by genius you mean I have mastered the art of drunk-speak then no I guess I am not.”

“CHRISTY!” Jeanne yelled at me. “She didn’t mean that.” She told wonder boy who was staring at me wide eyed. “Tell Billy you didn’t mean that Christy!” She ordered. I could see the blood boiling under her skin.

I shrugged. “I said it so I must have meant it.”

Jeanne threw her hands up. “Do you see what I have to deal with?” She moaned.

It was like someone how flipped a switch. The rage I had seen a moment ago in her eyes had vanished. What I seen now was sadness coupled with pity. 

I took a step closer to her. “What? What do you have to deal with mother?”

Jeanne shook her head as tears filled her eyes. “Oh if it’s not one thing with you it’s another Christy!” She whimpered. For a moment I almost felt bad for her until I seen the slight curl of her lips. Wonder boy looking super uncomfortable place one of his filthy hands on her shoulder. 

She whimpered again. “When will it end? After all I have done for you over the years.” She brushed her fingers across her checks. “How hard I worked to provide for you because you father ran off abandoning me with this huge responsibility.” She added with a huge body shaking sob.

I read a lot of books but none of them were as dramatic as my mother. I finally understand why all the guys she ever parade in and out of our lives all tried to be a firm “father figure” to me.

I am willing to bet she has been feeding this same line of crap to every guy that looks at her twice. I reared back my head laughing. “How long did it take you to come up with that one or are you laying it on extra thick for wonder boy back there?” I blurted out.

Jeanne scowled. “What are you talking about now fool?”

I looked her dead in the eye. “I know.”

She shook her head. “You know what?”

“I know about the money mother!” I answered.

She blinked. “Excuse me?”

For a split second before she blinked there was a hint of fear in her eyes. I pulled the card out from beneath my shirt shoving it in her direction. Jeanne reached out snatching it out of my hands. She looked at the front then careless flipped it opened then laughed.

“What he sends one card after all these years with a couple of measly dollars tucked inside and you suddenly think he’s father of the year or something?” She looked back at wonder boy who was laughing and shaking his head.

I cleared my throat. “He actually sent twenty one thousand dollars.” I paused long enough for my words to have the desire impact I was hoping for and it did.

Jeanne eye’s nearly popped out of her sunken face while wonder boy was staring at me licking his thin lips.  “Twenty thousand to be used on college while the thousand is to be used however I would like to use it.” I finished satisfied with knocking her down a few notches.

 She however did not look like she was intimidated by my discovery, she looked pissed.  Jeanne took another staggering step forward so her face was inches from mine. I turned my head to the side to escape the rancid odor of her whiskey soaked breath.

“Where is it Christy?” She demanded.

I smiled. “The money is somewhere safe. Some place where you can’t get your greedy little fingers on another dime of my money mother.”

A set of car lights washed over her face. I could see the fear clearly now mixed with a burning rage. “Why you ungrateful little bitch!” she screamed at me. “You are going to give me my fair cut of that money!” she threatened.

I shook my head. “I think you’ve helped yourself to enough of my money mother! How many thousands of dollars have you extorted from me over the years?” I paused taking a calming breath of air. “I’ve seen the countless letters, pictures, cards sent to me over the years Jeanne. I also seen the banks statements including your timely withdraws from my account.”

Boy wonder cleared his throat. “I am going inside Jeanne.” He looked over at me. “This is getting too intense for me.” He backed away.

She didn’t even turn her head to acknowledge him. She just kept her cold dead stare locked on me. I heard gravel crunching behind me then felt a hand on my back. I looked over my shoulder to see Jake standing there with his eyes locked on my mother.

“Is everything okay here Christy? Jake asked.

I nodded. “It will be when I finished what I can here to say.”

Jake moved up until he was standing directly beside me. I turned back to Jeanne who was still locked in her death stare. “If you would have used one penny of that money you stole from me for the betterment of our family, then maybe I would feel differently but you didn’t. You left me hungry, in rags, and  living in a-hovel.”

She didn’t say anything. She just kept staring.

“What kind of mother does that intentionally to their child? What kind of person treats another human being like you treated me growing up? How many times did I beg you for better clothes or shoes that fit? How many times did I have to go digging through donation boxes at churches to find coats or clothes?

Do you know how many countless nights I’ve gone to bed with nothing but water in my stomach while you were out here spending money on whiskey that should have gone to food?” I screamed.

Still she said nothing. She just stared.

“I came here tonight to confront you but I also came here to tell you that I forgive you for what you have done. “  I sighed when she still said nothing in return.

“I however don’t want to see you again. I will be going home tonight but it’ll be long enough to retrieve my clothing and personal items. I will stay in a motel for the night. In the morning I will be going down to the bank to shut off your access to my account.” I paused.

Jeanne blinked but didn’t say a word. Well at least I know something is getting through to her but how much is the question.  I cleared my throat. “I will be getting in contact with a lawyer and with my father about what transpired here.

I want only one thing from you Jeanne and that’s for you to stay away from me now and in the future. After tonight do not contact me again. Do you understand me?” I waited but again she remained silent.

Jake placed his arm around my waist. “I don’t she is going to respond. We should probably just go.” He whispered in my ear. I nodded taking his other hand.

“Goodbye Jeanne. I hope life is better to you then you were to me.”  I said to the woman who spent more time being a stranger to me then she ever did being a mother.  Jake started to lead me away when finally a laugh erupted from Jeanne’s lips. The sound sent a wave of cold chills down my spine.

“You really think your better than me?” She snapped.

I shook my head. “No Jeanne I think you’re better than what you’ve become.” I replied as I continued to walk with Jake towards our cars.

“I got a visit from Tara Henderson today.” She shouted out.

I came to a halt. Tara Henderson is a nurse who works in Doctor Forester office. Why would she have come to the house?

“Do I have your attention now?” She asked smiling. “Tara dropped by the vitamins you left on the counter in your rush to get to graduation.” She added.

My breath caught.  She knows I am pregnant.

Jake turned to me. “What vitamins Christy? I thought you said everything was alright that it was hormonal.” He questioned.

Jeanne grinned. “It looks like Miss perfect is capable of telling a lie, a big one just like her mother.” She mocked.

“I am nothing like you Jeanne.” I responded shaking my head.

“What is she talking about Christy?” Jake eyed her suspiciously.

“I’ll tell you later. When were alone.” I replied not wanting to have this conversation now in front of my mother.

 “The vitamins are prenatal. She is pregnant.” Jeanne blurted out. “How do you think the folks around here are going to feel about you when they learn you ruined any chance Jake here had for a successful future?”

“Christy?” Jake pulled back. “Is she telling the truth?”

I tore off across the parking lot as tears blurred my eye sight. I nearly ran into a park car but turned just in time to squeeze in between it and another truck. I had made it half way to my car when Jake caught my arm.

“Christy!” Jake yelled. “Will you stop for just a minute please?”

I stopped closing my eyes. This is not how I wanted this to go. I wanted to break it to him slowly then explain why I lied to him about it in the first place.

“Christy?” He said my name again.

“Yes Jake, I am pregnant.” I wiped a couple of errand tears from my check as I turned to face him. “I didn’t want you to learn about it this way.”

He stood mouth open staring at me. “The test you took?” He mumbled.

“It was positive Jake. I lied to you earlier after I seen how excited you and your entire family was about you getting into college.” I explained.

He slid down the side of a car to the ground. He buried his head between his knees as the rest of him shook from the silent sobs that were racking his body. The sight nearly brought me down to my knees.

 “I’m sorry!” I whispered.

Jake raised his red tear streaked face. “Why? How could you lie to me?”

 “I never meant to hurt you Jake. I lied because I thought I’d be protecting you from this kind of life.” I waved my hand at the bar. “I didn’t want to see your life destroyed because of someone like me.” I added.

“You didn’t want to see my life destroyed by someone like you?” He shook his head. “Tell me Christy how is it that your any different than I am?” He asked pulling himself to his feet. “Did you cheat your way through high school or did you work just as hard as me? Did you purposely cause that condom to rip and get you pregnant? Are you saying that my dreams mean more than your own?”

I shook my head. “No I didn’t cheat or cause myself to get pregnant on purpose but that doesn’t mean we both need to give up our dreams.” I sighed. “Jake you are going to college in the fall. You are going to play ball for the team you’ve loved since you were two years old. Why should you throw it away for a baby? This is your lifetime dream Jake. It’s right there at your finger tips.”

Jake grabbed my hand. “What about your dreams?”

I smiled. “I’ll get new dreams Jake!”

“What are you saying? You don’t want me involved?” He questioned.

I let go of his hand. “Jake can we go someplace else and talk about this? I just don’t feel this is the right atmosphere to have this conversation.”

He shook his head. “According to you Christy this is the exact place we’d end up if I am involved in my child’s life. So why not have this conversation here.”

 “If you give up college to stay here for this baby you’ll ruin your entire life! What is the best thing that could happen? You end up going to the community college and get a job at the saw mills?”

“I could live with that!” He nodded his head. “It would at least be my choice.”

I threw up my hands in frustration.  “Could your father live with it? What about your mother would this be her choice for you?” I knew I was hit low but I needed him to see this clearly.  “What about Megan? Is this the example you want to set for her to live by?” I asked.

Jake hung his head. “This would break my father’s heart, my mother would probably cry for days and Megan would undoubtedly be upset with me.” He admitted.

“Why put them through it then?” I replied.

Jake held up his finger. “Let’s just say we did this your way. What would you do? You need money to raise a baby and a place to live.”

I pulled out the check my father had sent to me. “I have twenty thousand that was to fund my first semester in college. I could use it to take some courses at the community college in coding while I am pregnant. It’ll be enough to get a decent job enough to take care of me and the baby.”

“What about the people in this town? Don’t you think they will figure out it’s my baby and tell my parents?” He pointed out.

“I’ll be leaving here tomorrow to go find my dad. I don’t plan on coming back until at least fall. I will have been gone just long enough for people to believe the baby is by someone else.”

It was not a fool proof plan as at least three people in this town knows the truth but two are bound by doctor-patient privilege.  The third is a drunk who I am sure can be motivated to silence with a monetary incentive.

“What happens when I ran into you and our son or daughter someday? Will she or he know I am the father? Will I have to pretend I am just some stranger? How long do we keep this secret?” He fired one question after another at me.

I held my hand up to signal I need a minute.  My stomach was churning again. I lean against the side of my car closing my eyes. The emotional impact of everything that’s transpired in the last twenty four hours was finally catching up to me. I took a few calming breaths.

“Are you okay?” Jake asked coming up beside me.

 “Just a side effect of being pregnant I’ll be fine.” I assured.

It took a few minutes but finally the nausea passed. I look over at Jake; his face was a mask of anxiety and concern.  “I am okay now.” I whispered.

He relaxed immediately. “Does that happen often?”

I nodded. “It’s normal from what I’ve read.” I brushed my hair back. “I will tell the baby you are his or her father. You never have to act like a stranger if you don’t want too. I am not saying it always has to be this way. In time after college if you want to tell everyone then I am okay with that.” I offered.

“Do I have to decide this all tonight?” Jake asked.

I bit my bottom lip. “I kind of need an answer tonight on what you are planning on doing. If you are going to tell your parents and stay here or keep silent and go off to school in the fall like your suppose to do.”

 Jake nodded. “I am going to need a minute.” He muttered as he walked away.  I watch silently as he paced back and forth in front of his truck. I know to a lot of people they wouldn’t understand my reasoning but they never had to live the way I was forced to grow up.

My parents were in their final year of high school when Jeanne got pregnant with me. I remember overhearing arguments between them in the days leading up to dad’s disappearance. One time in particular Jeanne was drunk by the time my father came home from work. He was angry when he saw that I was standing on the counter trying to reach the peanut butter.

“Did you eat today?” He asked. I shook my head. He handed me the jar of peanut butter and the bread. “I’ll be back. Okay?” He asked me. I nodded. I made my sandwich while he yelled at Jeanne for drinking in bed all day and not taking care of me.

The part that sticks out the most in my mind especially today is what she said back to him. I was on my way to Yale before you knocked me up. My father forced me to marry you or else I would have aborted that thing and gone on with my life.” She spat at him. “I could have been someone!” She yelled as he stormed down the hall and out of the house.

 He yelled back. “You are somebody Jeanne. You are someone’s mother and wife.” Jeanne response was the sound of a whiskey bottle crashing against the wall. I shuddered as I thought about Jake becoming like my mother or even me.

 I don’t want that outcome for either of us or even the possibility of history repeating itself. I just hope Jake makes the right choice for his future.

My breath caught as Jake stalked toward me. “I am going to want letters from you while I am in college and pictures of the baby.  I am not okay being kept in the dark and I am going to want to see you both when I come home for break.” He grabbed my hand.  “The day I graduate we tell my parent.” He added.

My heart sunk a little. A small part of me hoped he would choose me. No Jake is making the right choice the better choice. I chastised myself for being selfish. I need him to be successful for the both of us and I want him to be happy.

 “Okay the day you graduate we tell them.” I agreed. 

Jake pulled me tight against his chest. “There is one more thing I want.”

“What’s that?” I whispered.

“I want to spend this last night with you.” He smiled.

I smiled back. “I’d like that very much.”

“Good! I have to run back to my house and pick up a graduation present I have been putting together for you in my spare time since Christmas.” He paused looking over at my car. “It’s not much but it’ll be better than that hunk of junk!”

“Jake you got me a car?”

 “My grandfather was selling his old car so I asked him if I could buy it from him. When he heard it was for you he just gave it to me and told me to fix it up real nice for such a sweet young lady.” He chuckled. “That’s grandpa for you!”

 “I don’t know what to say!”

“Just say you will love it!” Jake replied.

“I will love it!”

“Alright so I will run a few blocks that way. “ He pointed in the direction of his house. “Drop off my car and swap it out for yours then meet you at the trailer so you can leave that death trap there.” He added.

I planted a kiss on his cheek. “Sounds like a great plan to me!”

Jake pulled my door open. I slid in behind the wheel and looked at his wide grin and a sense that everything was going to be okay washed over me.

I turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life and stayed running the first try. I smiled. “I’ll see you in a few.”

“Okay! You drive safe.” He laughed. “You are carrying precious cargo now!”

“Ha-ha you’re very funny!” I replied.

“Christy?” He called.

“Yes Jake?”

“I forgot to tell you something.” He leaned in the window. “I forgot to say. I love you.” He whispered bring his lips down to meet mine.  It was a short kiss but it was a sweet one packed full of emotion.

“I love you too Jake.” I whispered back.

He lingered in the window looking down into my eyes for just another minute before slowly backing away. I waved once as I pulled out of the parking lot leaving the best guy in the world watching me drive away. It was all I could do not to break down and cry.

If this situation would have happen four years from now we’d probably be announcing our wedding. We are just too young for both of our lives to be cut off before it’s giving a chance to thrive. I was near the edge of town when O’Malley’s bed and breakfast sign caught my eye.

Mrs. O’Malley had always treated me kindly when I rode passed her place on the way into town. I couldn’t think of a better place to stay the night. I pulled up in front of the doors and hopped out leaving the engine running.

I hurried around the car to the front doors. The neon sign in the window flashed vacancy so I assumed they had at least one room available. I shrugged pulling open the door. There was a small desk just inside the door with a tiny bell.

A sign above said ring for service so I did then waited.

A few minutes passed before Karen O’Malley appeared around the corner.

“Good Heavens Christy you scared this old lady!” Mrs. O’Malley cried. “Did you ring the bell dear?” She point down at the desk.

“Yes I did.” I replied quietly.

Mrs. O’Malley nodded. “I probably didn’t hear it no doubt. Don’t ever get old Miss Christy.” She warned shaking her finger at me.

I smiled. “I’ll try to keep that in mind Mrs. O’Malley.”

.“What can I do for you Christy?” She looked past me out the door to where my car sat. “Are you having car problems dear?” She looked genuinely concerned.

 “I actually came by to see if you have a room available for the night.” I explained quickly.

“Oh my well yes I believe I have one of the cottages out back available. Let me see.” She held up her finger as she went over to the desk and paged down her book. She nodded. “I do. Cottage 3 it’s the one down by the corner.”

I smiled. “Perfect I will take it. How much do I owe you?”

Mrs. O’Malley held up her hand. “Are you running away from home dear?”

I shook my head. “I am not running away as much as coming to my senses.” I replied pulling out the wad of cash I had stash in my bra.

“If by senses you mean Jeanne Jacobs is a low down dirty woman then by all means child this one is on the house.” She stated with a huge grin.

“I have to pay for something.” I insisted when she placed the key in my hand.

“Child you have already paid dearly for having that as a mother. You have been taking care of yourself since you were this high.” She held her hands down just below her knees. “Let someone else take care of you for a night.”

“Thank you!” I cried. I gave her a great big hug then backed away towards the door. “I will be back shortly. I just have to go retrieve my stuff from that trailer.” I explained.

She waved her hands. “Take your time honey. We’re not going anywhere.”

I thank her one last time then hurried back out to my car. I was relieved to see that it hadn’t stalled out while I was inside. I pulled back onto the road and turned the radio up on full blast. I sang along with the radio the rest of the way down the road. I was just getting into the next song as I approached the last stretch before my turn off when suddenly the power dimed and the radio went silent.

I checked my gages but everything looked normal to me. I only have a few more yards to go before my turn off so I debated if I should pull off the road and wait for Jake to come by or push it. I decided to pull off the road just pass the upcoming intersection where there was a small outlet just on the other side where trucker’s park their rigs for the night.

I held my breath praying as I locked my eyes on the lot. I’d be safe there if I can make it through this four way.

I just about made it when there was a final surge of electrics then everything went dead including my engine. I shook my head. No! This can’t be happening not here and not right now! I turned the key over but nothing came from the engine, not even the grinding noises I’ve come accustom to.

 I tried again and again each time with more urgency then the last. I pounded my fist on the steering wheel. “Come on start damn it just long enough to get me to the other side!” I begged. A set of headlight flashed in my rearview mirror. My eyes widened with the realization the car was moving entirely too fast to slow down in time to miss me.

I had maybe three seconds before it would make impact. I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “I am sorry!” I whispered. 

Forsaken part 3 continued                                Email me

Forsaken Part One

Forsaken Part one:

The thunder of applause echoed across the gymnasium of Grant High school as Mr. Dawson announced the graduating class of 2013. I sat among my classmates starring out at the sea of happy faces but unlike my classmates there was no one out there cheering on my victory rank of being 2^nd of my class. There was nobody to call out my name in excitement as I walked across the stage to receive my diploma. I am finishing my school career the same way it began, completely and utterly alone.

My father Frank Jacobs went M.I.A when I was barely four years old. The only token of information I had on my father is that he liked betting on horses more than he liked his family. A point my mother Jeanne likes to bring to my attention on a fairly regular basis. She also likes to point out the fact she never wanted to be a mother in the first place yet was saddled with the burden of raising me all on her own.  Truthfully the only thing my mother ever raised is a glass bottle to her lips.

 In fact I would be willing to bet my dear wonderful loving mother can be found at this very minute sitting on a barstool down at Hopper’s tavern.  Hooper’s is a dirty little hole-in-the-wall barely suitable for human habitation of any kind. My mother however prefers to spend more than half her life in that bar. 

I’ve had the unfortunate repeated honor of retrieving her from there many of times over the last eight years of my life. I shuddered recalling the hungry stares from some of the more seedy male patrons as I attempted to wake my mother who had embarrassingly enough passed out on top of the jukebox last night. This was a new all-time low even for her.

“Christy Jacobs” Mr. Dawson called out.  

The sound of my name jolted me back to the present. I blinked as Matthew Kenny elbow me in the side. “Hey space cadet you’re up!” he whispered. I carefully made my way across the stage to where Mr. Dawson stood tapping his foot the way he does when he disapproves of someone behavior.

I’ve seen a lot of that foot tapping lately. My last few months have been chalked full of late arrivals or early departures, and quite a few late assignments. I am lucky my teachers took it easy on me. I only ended up dropping one ranking position instead of twenty or more.

Mr. Dawson practically shoved the diploma into my hand. “Congratulations Miss. Jacobs. I do hope you make better use of your time in the near future.” He nodded then turned to pull the next diploma off the table next to him.

Well so much for ending the year on a positive note. I made my way to the other side of the stage to wait with the rest of my classmates. After a round of best wishes for a bright and successful future from the staff at Grant High School we were finally dismissed.

 I sat back in my chair for a moment just to observe what true happiness looked like on faces of my friends. How I wish my life could be a simple as theirs, and as happy. I turned to watch Jake Jennings, my on again-off again boyfriend.  He has been one of the long shining spots of my miserable existence. Even so I managed to destroy that as well.

 “Congrats Christy, thanks again for all the help in chemistry. I really hope everything works out for you and Jake- you two make a great couple when you’re not fighting.” Matthew shouted.

“Thanks Matthew, good luck at UCLA next year!” I shouted back. He held two thumbs up, laughed, and then disappeared into the crowd. 

I am really going to miss Matthew; he is about the only other guy besides Jake that’s treated me decent these four years. I turned to face Jake just as his little sister Megan came rushing onto the stage. I smiled watching her soft blonde pigtails swing back and forth as she leapt into his arms.

Megan is a vibrant, intelligent, and sassy first grader who loves her older brother more than anything else in this world. Jake likes to complain a lot about Megan getting underfoot but in reality he adores her as much as she does him. A minute later they were joined on stage by their parents Nathan and Joyce Jennings.

 The Jennings’s are two of the best people I have ever met. Mr. Jennings is loving, kind, and a devoted husband and father. Mrs. Jennings’s is loving, thoughtful, and generous. She also makes the best apple pie in all of Hampton Cove. They are the kind of parents all kids deserve to have but few rarely get.  If I had been able to hand pick a family, the Jennings would have been it.  

. An overwhelming sense of guilty flooded me as I looked at them all smiling and hugging each other in great joy. In a few short hours this perfect little family’s world will be turned upside down because of me.

As if he knew, I was thinking about him, Jake turned his head meeting my gaze. In his eyes I could see the question that has been lingering between us all day. He lowered his sister to the stage beside him as he said a few words to his father.

A moment later the four of them were walking across the stage. My breath caught in my throat as they came to a stop in front of me.

“Hey! Congrats Christy, we did it!” Jake said with a chuckle. He gave me a short hug before pulling back with a wide smile on his face. Mr. Jennings patted his son on the back while smiling down on me.

“I’m proud of you both. Congratulations Christy.”

I blushed. “Thanks Mr. Jennings.”

“We are fixing to go out to lunch to celebrate Jake’s accomplishment. We would love for you to join us, and allow us to celebrate your accomplishments as well.” Mrs. Jennings offered.

I widened my eye’s “Oh no! I could not possibly intrude in this special family occasion. I really should go straight home. My mother probably has some elaborate affair planned.” I replied.

Mr. and Mrs. Jennings exchanged a look between them before Mr. Jennings turned to me shaking his head. “Don’t be silly Christy you would be far from intruding on anything! We really do wish for you to join us, and I am positive your mother’s plans will wait for your arrival.” He looked over at his wife and smiled.

I could see by the looking in his eyes he knew just where my mother could be found, and nothing special was waiting for me at home but a big empty trailer with an even emptier refrigerator. He was just to kind to point out whatever one else in town already knew, my mother was a no good rotten low life barfly.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Okay, a small bite couldn’t hurt much.” I reluctantly agreed.  

Mr. Jennings nodded in approval; just then Megan decided to dart off the stage chasing after a blue balloon that Jake had handed her to play with. We all laughed as she began pushing through the groups of people in search of her balloon.

“Excuse me while I go rescue the good people of Hampton Cove from the adventurous Megan.” Mr. Jennings chuckled as he went down the side steps and into the crowd.

 “Alright, I will see you kids at Camilla’s in a short while” She waved before starting down off the stage. She paused on the last step turning back. “Drive safe Jake, the traffic is terrible today!” She added then rushed off to catch up with Mr. Jennings.

Once she was safely out of ear shot Jake turned to me. “Did you do it yet?” He met my eyes. I looked around at the closely gathered groups.

“Can we talk about this later?” I pleaded.

Jake nodded. “How about we talk in the car on the way?”

I sighed. “Sure why not?”

I don’t know why he was in such a hurry to find out the answer, when it has the potential to end both of our futures. I know the answer but wish more than anything I didn’t.

I let Jake take my hand and lead me through the groups of people taking pictures with their favorite graduate. I smiled at a few people I recognized, some smiled back and waved, while others rolled their eyes or scowled at me. Just one of the many perks of having the town drunk as your mother.

I let out a sigh of relief, as we stepped out into the parking lot. The cool spring breeze felt amazing against my face.

“Jake!” Megan squealed running across the parking lot.

Jake’s face immediately lit up. “Hey squirt!”

Mrs. Jennings giggled. “Sorry she insisted on riding with the two of you.”

“Shot gun!” Megan yelled out causing us all to laugh.

“Now Megan, you know Christy gets to sit up front when she is riding with me.” Jake lightly chastised.

Megan twisted her lips. “Oh-okay” She reluctantly agreed.

Mrs. Jennings waved from the passenger seat of their dodge minivan, as Jake helped Megan into the back seat of his truck. I settled into the passenger seat just as he finished securing Megan’s belt.

“I guess our conversation is going to have to be postponed.” He stated climbing in beside me. I nodded, secretly relieved that I had some more time to prepare for the fallout that would surely follow. All the way to the restaurant Megan excitedly told us about her new friend Dana, who she met at Sunday school this week.

Dana as it turns out is the same age as Megan, and lives two streets over and apparently loves watching Clifford the big red dog just like Megan does. When she was talked out about Dana she switched over to telling us all about the new pet turtle her class had got last week as a gift from the Hampton Zoo.

“We named him speedy!” She giggled. “Get it? Speedy-ha”

Jake and I both couldn’t help but laugh. Megan with her endless supply of energy was exactly the distraction we both had needed. The amount of cars in Camilla’s parking lot was a clear indication most had opted for a lunch out to celebrate.  Mr. and Mrs. Jennings luckily were already seated in a booth when we came through the front doors otherwise we could have an hour or more wait time.

   Megan squeezed in the booth next to her parents while Jake and I took the bench across from them.   “I hope nobody minds, I took the liberty of ordering everyone a steak, baked potato, and a fresh garden salad.” Mr. Jennings stated folding his hands on top of the table.

Megan scowled. “Daddy, I don’t eat cows!”

 “I know. I ordered you a grilled cheese sandwich with fries, and a milk shake.” Mr. Jennings winked.

Megan grinned. “I can live with that.”

For the second time that afternoon we all laughed together. After that the tension I had been carrying around all day seemed to ease slightly. Mrs. Jennings told some stories about some of the people she encountered throughout the week during her hours volunteering at the food kitchen.

I found the stories fascinating and nearly wept for the little girl whose mother lost her job, car, then finally their home but still found away to make her daughter feel like a princess. If only my mother would have had that kind of spunk. If she did maybe our lives could have been a little better despite the circumstances.

Mr. Jennings picking up on everyone’s sad tone following Mrs. Jennings story change the subject to a happier note and announced that he had gotten a promotion at work.

“Well this truly is a special day!” Mrs. Jennings remarked as she signaled for the waitress. “We must have cake to celebrate all our good fortune.” She added.

A few minutes later my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as the waitress sat down a large slice of chocolate cake with inch thick chocolate frosting down in front of me. I’ve had more food during this one lunch then I’ve eaten in the last week.

“Did Jake here tell you his wonderful news?” Mr. Jennings asked beaming a proud smile over at his son.

I shook my head. “What kind of news Jake?”

A wide grin broke across his lips. “I got my acceptance letter for NDU, yesterday in the mail.” He admitted.

“Tell Christy the best part Jake!” His mother chimed in.

Jake laughed. “I got accepted with a full scholarship, and I get to play on the offensive line for my favorite team!”

Mr. Jennings clapped his hands together. “That’s right! My boy gets to play ball for the fighting Falcons!” He shouted.

Cheers and applause erupted from all around us, and before long people were coming over to shake Jake’s hand or wish him good luck. I sunk back further into the booth as the feeling of guilty wash over me again. How could I possibly be the one that took this away from them all?

Jake worked hard to make the grades to be accepted into Northern Dumont University. He also never missed one practice or sat out one game all four years he played for the Grant high Bobcats.  NDU is Jake’s dream school.

 I looked over at Mr. Jennings face filled with so much pride for his son and broke inside. I just can’t destroy this wonderful family. I sat back placing my fork on the table. I knew what I had to do; I just pray I have the strength to follow through with it.  “Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Jennings for such a wonderful lunch. I should probably be getting home.” I nodded at Jake.

“Oh Christy there is no reason to thank us dear! We are pleased Jake found someone so sweet and caring.” Mrs. Jennings replied smiling over at her husband.

“Joyce is right, Christy, you are family in our eyes.” Mr. Jennings replied winking over at me. Tears stung my eyes as I fought to keep an even voice.

“Thanks.” I managed to choke out.

“I’ll see you guys at home. Thanks again Mom and Dad.” Jake said as he leaned over to give his parents a hug. I thanked them again for inviting me to lunch then waved to Megan as Jake took my hand and led us out of the restaurant. We were half way to the car before Jake broke the silence between us.

“Do you really need to get home?” He asked.

 “I have a lot to do before Jeanne gets home.” My Voice sounded flat. Jake didn’t seem to notice it though. He released my hand as we approached the car.  I went around to the passenger side and waited while he unlocked his door. Once inside he reached over to unlock my door.

I closed my eyes said a short prayer then climbed inside. Jake waved out the window to Megan who had her face pressed up against the window as we backed out of the lot. I felt a wave of sadness building as I watched her little face disappear. After this ride things will never be the same again.

 I took a deep breath then forced myself to face Jake. “The question you asked me earlier.” I paused to gather the strength it was going to take to lie to him.

“Did you take the test?” He asked keeping his eyes on the road.

“Yes I did.” I swallowed. “It was negative.”

Jake let out a long sigh of relief. “I think that’s the best news I’ve heard all day!”He exclaimed.

A grin broke across his lips that stretched from one ear over to the next. I looked out the passenger window so that he would not see the tears forming in my eyes. I hated lying to him but I hated the thought of ruining his life more.

 What I was about to do would hurt him for a little while but not as much as raising a child for the next eighteen years would do.

“Yeah it was a relief this morning when I got the results.” I added playing into his enthusiasm.

“I bet. Did Dr. Forester say why you’re so late?” He looked over at me.

I shrugged. “He said something about hormones. I was too relieved to pay much attention to anything else.” Actually I cried for an hour and half while the nurse went over dietary restrictions, and set up an appointment for an ultrasound, but I couldn’t exactly explain that to him.  

 “Well that makes sense!” he paused. “Whew that was a close one!”

I closed my eyes drawing on what little strength I had left to finish what I knew had to be done tonight. I focused on the flashes of houses going by to keep calm but as we rounded the corner of my street I knew my time was about up.

It was now or never.  “Jake I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” I blurted out. It’s not the way I intended to say it but at the last minute I panicked.  

Jake blinked. A long silence proceeded until we came to a stop in front of my poorly lit trailer. He shut off the car.  “Why?” He finally asked.

“You’re going to be going away to NDU in a couple of months. The last thing you need to be worried about is having a girlfriend back here in Hampton Cove, South Carolina.” I answered.

“Christy I don’t leave until fall. Why now?”

“I just think it’ll be a lot easier on us both if we part ways now. What is the point of spending another summer together if we know it’s coming to an end?” I nodded liking my reasoning. It was good. “There is no use in delaying the inevitable.” I added.

Jake laid his head back against the seat as he strummed the steering wheel with his fingers. “Don’t I get a say in this at all?” He sat forward. “Maybe I want to worry about you back here in Hampton. Maybe I want to come back here on breaks and spend time with my girlfriend and my family!

 Did you think about that at all Christy? When you were making all these decisions for me did you take into consideration that I love you?”

“I-I can’t do this.” I jumped out of the car.  I started up the dirty path when I heard his door open. “Christy, wait! Don’t leave it like this between us.” He shouted.

I paused but I didn’t turn around.

“Go home Jake.” I kept my eyes locked on the door of my trailer. I heard the sound of gravel crunching behind me. I was going to have to really hurt him to get him to leave.

“Christy, you know deep down we are meant to be together. You really don’t want this to end.” He pleaded. I shook my head as tears dripped off my chin.

 “I met someone else Jake.” I replied loud enough for him to hear me but low enough that my voice didn’t crack.

“What?” I could hear the astonishment in his tone. “I don’t believe you.”

I closed my eyes. “I am Jeanne’s daughter Jake. I am capable of many things.”

I heard the sharp intake of air. “Well isn’t that great?” Jake slammed his fists off the hood of his truck. “Here I am being a fool. I actually thought you loved me.”  He added before slamming the door shut. I stood waiting for the sound of the engine to fire up before whispering to myself softly.

“I do love you Jake which is precisely why I had to let you go.” I waited until he pulled away before continuing into the trailer. Just as I expected there was no signs of my mother or that she had been home since I left to go to the doctors this morning.  I pulled the mail out of the slot in the door, and threw it onto the kitchen counter.

 An   enveloped address to me fell onto the floor. I picked it up slowly as my hands started to shake in the upper left corner was the name Frank P Jacobs. I sat down on one of the rickety wooden chairs next to the even more rickety kitchen table. I stared down at the yellow envelop. Could this really be from my father? The man who left me?

What could dear old no show dad want after all these years? Is he finally having a crisis of conscience for abandoning his daughter? Well let’s just see. I slowly tore back the paper with trembling fingers, took a deep breath then pulled out a card. The card featured a black cap over a white diploma with the words CONGRATULATIONS across the top. I shook my head, how could he possibly know that today was my graduation? Yeah, he could have done the math but to have the card arrive on the actually day? No, that couldn’t have been a coincidence!

I opened the card removing a handwritten note along with a stack of ten one hundred dollar bills, and a check made out to me for twenty thousand dollars. Wait-twenty thousand? Why would a man who has absolutely nothing to do with me since I was four years old send me a check for twenty thousand dollars? How did he even come up with this kind of cash? I sat the items aside and finished reading the card.

It was the stereotypical hallmark greeting card. What I found amusing however was the carefully penned “Sorry I couldn’t be there for your big day!” Love: Dad. Who the heck is he kidding? I sat the card down the table and eyed the letter. I had to admit it definitely has my interest peeked. I carefully unfolded the letter then began reading it out loud.

Christy,

As I sit write this letter, I am starring at the picture of you that is now displayed proudly on my desk. Please thank your mother for sending me this memento of your final year in high school. It arrived unscathed last week. I don’t believe either your mother or I could have imagined what a beautiful young woman you’ve turn out to be. We are truly blessed to have you as a daughter!

My heart is heavy with so much pride today after speaking with your principal Mr. Dawson who informed me that you my daughter are to graduate 2^nd in your class with honors. I was dishearten when I learned that despite many offers from schools all across this country, you’ve elected to take night classes from the community college there in Hampton Cove.

I am no mind reader, but I do suspect this choice was based on financial issues. I would like to ease that burden of concern for you. As you can see I made out a check payable to you for twenty thousand dollars. I would like you to use this money for your first semester at any school of your choice. Once I receive confirmation on what school you have chosen, I will continue to issue a check each semester until your completion of college.

I do hope the trust payments will be enough for you to continue to live comfortable while attending classes. I do understand that with college comes higher expenses then you’ve had the last four years, so please do let me know if any adjustments in the amounts are warranted.

As you know I am always available to you any time day or night. Congratulations baby! I am so proud of my baby girl! Your brother’s Jack and Connor send their love, as do I and Lilly. I love you so much.

 Love, Dad

I dropped the letter to the table as I rocked back in my chair trying hard to absorb everything that had been crammed into that short note. When had he contacted my mother about me? She never said anything about hearing from him, not even in her drunken rants. What kind of trust payments is he talking about?

 As far as I knew he up until now has never sent my mother so much as a dime. I sorted through the rest of mail stopping on an envelope from Delta Bank & Trust. It was sent to me but in care of my mother. What if she has been lying to me all this time?

TO BE CONTINUED

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It's Been A long while my friend

Can you believe fall is just around the corner? I can't & I am thoroughly bummed about it! My favorite season has always been the lazy days of summer. There is just something about the smell of tanning oil, charcoal, and the sparkling water of a pool in the sun that really gets my heart pumping.

I don't know about the rest of you but here in Northwest Ohio we didn't have much of a summer until very late August. I'll keep looking for a reset button...but in the mean time I'll prepare for Autumn.

I know it's been a long time since I posted anything, and as I do have a million reason why, I will spare all you that and just say it's good to be back. My new goal is to post one blog a week until I get back into the swing of things again.

Well that is it for now. Have a great week!

                     AW.

New Beginnings!

Hi Folks,

Wow it's been quite a while since I lasted posted a blog. I could blame it on being busy or life getting crazy but that would just be an excuse. The truth is I really didn't have anything worth saying so I didn't feel the need to fill the page with mindless rambles.

Call me old fashion but I cherish the small slices of heavenly silence when I can find them. Does anyone else find the world excessively loud these days or have I officially turned into a grumpy old lady?? On second thought don't answer that one!!! LOL

Luck must have been on my side because my family and I recently moved to a new place, and I am finding that my slice of heaven is easily found just outside my back door most days. Now if only I could relocate the train tracks it would literally be paradise.

My writing is coming along and to my amazement my completed chapter file is filling up faster than I would have imagined. I am not writing everyday but when I do find the time to sit down I am filling the pages faster than ever before.

So my friends here to New Beginnings & Happy peaceful times a head.

 MUCH LOVE,
    AW